Now this is a story all about how, I ended up milling ‘round London town,
And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there, I’ll tell you how I ended up avoiding max train fare.
London Sightseeing: My Super Off-Peak Time
How did I end up sightseeing in London?
I always considered myself to be relatively travel-savvy, particularly when it comes to trains. That was, until my last visit to London.
I had come to the capital for an induction at a football website. Although I should have been a little nervous as this was my first “gig” since picking up writing again, I felt fairly at ease; particularly after I’d got the email saying “casual dress-code.” Get in, skinny jeans and Converse.
If anything, things were too relaxed. I had a great time talking with the editors and finding out what I’d be writing about over the next few months, but this soon morphed into discussion about our respective teams (up The Foxes) before descending into general chit-chat. The meeting ended up going on an hour longer than planned.
Unfortunately, this meant that when I returned to London St Pancras, the machine spat out my ticket in disgust. I went to find out what was wrong with my ticket; I was sure everything was fine on my end, it wasn’t even 5pm! The ticket guard seconded his machine’s disapproval, pointing out I missed super off-peak time by five minutes. It ended at 4.30pm, not 5pm. I felt a fool.
Journeying around London
With nothing to do for the next two and a half hours, I decided to see what St Pancras had to offer. I wasn’t hungry, ruling out half the stores, and didn’t want to spend half of my bank account on a couple of clothes to justify my being there.
I thought about playing on one of the pianos in the main bit of the station, but anxiety got the better of me. These were peak-time London people – they expected peak-time background music for their peak-time background commute – not the crude rendition of Bob the Builder I learned in Year 7.
After fifteen or so minutes playing 2048 on my phone, I decided enough was enough (read: I lost and didn’t get 2048), I decided I’d make the best of it and see what my friends who lived in London were doing. One was away on a trip in Newcastle and another was working until late at work. Still, there was always my mate, Dave. Dave’s always up for a laugh. Good old, reliable Dave.
Dave works in Central London and has a job that is infinitely more interesting (and real) than mine. When I first introduce, or even describe, him to other people however, I have to tell one story.
Dave wears glasses, which isn’t unusual in itself. Lots of people do, I’m wearing a pair right now. You might be too. Anyway, Dave’s spectacle situation is interesting because he doesn’t wear them just to sharpen his vision, but also to correct his depth perception.
When his glasses are removed, Dave’s world moves closer and then further away, making him unstable on his feet and fearful of any objects within five feet. He’s essentially like a drunk; Dave’s glasses sober up his eyes.
He used to be able to read most of the letters at the opticians because his eyes would bring them into focus when the board appeared to come closer to him. When Dave couldn’t read the smaller letters one day, he asked the optician to “do the thing where he moved the letters closer.” He informed Dave this is not what opticians do, and presumably ticked the box saying ‘weird eyes.’
I fired off a message to weird-eyes Dave and headed to Central London on the tube. When I got off at Leicester Square around 5.30pm however, I saw Dave had read my Whatsapp message but not replied. He’d blue ticked me. The swine.
Realising I was on my own, I did what (presumably) anybody trapped in London with a smartphone would do, pretended to be a tourist and did some sightseeing.
Having been to London once or twice recently, I had a fairly decent lay of the land and knew where most of the big sightseeing landmarks were. I ignored the National Gallery as I’d done it a few weeks before but milled around Trafalgar Square and snapped a couple of pictures, starting one of those ‘stories’ the kids are going on about these days.
I then decided to amble down towards Buckingham Palace as it was a sunny day. Being London, there were a lot of people milling about their business and doing some sightseeing of their own, but what surprised me was the amount of ducks and geese. They were everywhere. One gang had even adopted a pigeon for what I can only assume was a hazing ritual.
The pigeon failed.
Within the hour, I’d walked past Downing Street, snapped Big Ben and was heading up the Thames. I thought about getting food but had already earmarked this particular Tuesday for a Dominoes. Priorities.
Realising it was coming up to 7 o’clock, I decided to call it quits on my London sightseeing trip and made haste to the underground. I found my train before relaxing and thinking about the tasty, jalapeno-topped dream that would await me in Leicester. As such I realised that, like all good stories, my snapchat needed an end, so I took a picture from the train and came up with a suitably cheesy pun.
I think I’ll sign off with that here as well.
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