Dorian Gray-Esque Painting of Phillip Schofield Uncovered

The secret to Phillip Schofield’s eternal youth has been revealed as a mysterious painting was discovered in his Oxfordshire home yesterday evening.

The 55-year-old presenter – dubbed a ‘silver fox’ by his legions of fans – has long confounded viewers and experts alike by seemingly halting the ageing process since the early 2000s.

It has since transpired that the Lancashire-born TV personality has a magical picture locked away in a similar vein to The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Schofield, who famously presents ITV’s This Morning alongside Holly Willoughby, revealed at a party that there is a painting in his cellar which draws a lot of parallels with Oscar Wilde’s famous book.

A guest at the party said: “Phillip told us it had originally been sent by a fan during his days presenting the National Lottery.

“Initially he didn’t even like the painting and tossed it away in the attic of his old house. It was only a decade or so later when wife was moving house that he noticed the picture had aged nearly 10 years while he looked fresh as a daisy. He decided to take it with him after that.”

Schofield in 1996, aged 34

The creator was Barry Curran, a 52-year-old car park attendant and amateur artist from Grimsby, who revealed he has since been asked by other celebrities for help in prolonging their careers.

“The response has been unbelievable. I only sent it in as a fan of Phillip’s during Test The Nation, and I didn’t really expect it to come to much. I never even knew he’d seen it.

“The phone’s been ringing all morning with agents and celebrities asking if they can come round for a portrait. I’ve already got a few irons in the fire.

“The only one I’ve said I won’t do is Noel Edmonds. I can’t stand the bloke and won’t contribute to him being on TV for a second longer. If he asks I’ll say “No deal, Noel!”, and how we’ll all laugh at the car park.”

ITV have confirmed that the revelation of Schofield dabbling in the dark arts will not see him removed from his role as presenter of This Morning, although there may have to be some changes should more news come to light.

In a statement earlier this morning, an ITV spokesperson said: “As far as we’re concerned, Phillip has only done what anyone else in his position would do and shouldn’t be punished for trying whatever he can to stay relevant in the modern television age.

“Obviously the only thing we’re worried about is that this could be some weird kind of Benjamin Button scenario where he’s actually getting younger; we could potentially have a child hosting the show.

Schofield and Willoughby presenting This Morning after the 2016 National Television Awards.

“It would be all cutesy at first, having a kid presenter, and it would be great for social media. But you saw them after the morning National Television Awards; they were both p****d as a fart. You can’t go having a child presenting in that state, not on my watch anyway.”

We have reached out to Mr Schofield for further comment.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *